My Future… Where Do I Go?

So it’s been a week since I posted apologising from my recent lack of updates here. I thought I’d just post again to say bit more on what’s happening and also ask some stuff.

Firstly… I would be lying if I said I was doing okay. For one the large amount of tears, anger and being slap around by my depression really drained me and now I’m stuck with a nasty cough. I did have a cold but that’s pretty much gone and just this darn cough that leaves me feeling like I am gasping for air. I viewed a house with my parents and they weren’t happy with it. I thought it was okay and could see it’s potential but the fees and paperwork required were a bit of a slap in the face for someone who was nearly 30 years old and needed her mummy and daddy to be guarantors.

Something that has been slapping me rather harshly in the face is my lack of employment. You see… I make no money from my blog. I’ve had little or no paid work since my daughter’s birth back in 2013. I’ve worked with some amazing companies and I am thankful for all of those, otherwise I would not have accepted them. But the amount of emails I get asking me to write a blog post about a product or company for free has becoming insane. I mean come on. How would you like it if you went to work and your boss said “okay can you do this job for me. In return I’ll pay you by retweeting it”. I’ve recently become a single mother of two children with NO INCOME. How the hell am I going to feed them with a flipping tweet? Explain that to my 5 year old son when he asks why I can’t buy him his favourite magazine.

I’m currently thinking of Patreon as one thing I love is drawing. And I have seen some people enjoying my speed art videos on YouTube. Seriously I enjoy drawing, I have so much fun live streaming what I draw and answering any questions people may have. I do it because I found watching artists on Twitch really helped me step up and learn new tricks. But I have to consider the fact I have a family and at the moment I can’t afford my own house. I’m living with my ex-fiancé and legally he could kick me out as it is his place, not mine. I can’t stand it here. I can’t even say “I’m off home now” because… it’s not my home. It feels weird. I live with my kids and some guy that I barely see who sleeps downstairs. It’s not right, not healthy and yet I can’t leave because that would mean I made myself homeless and the government don’t look kindly on those who make themselves homeless.

So would people consider paying monthly on Patreon? Would be allowed to pay as little as $1 per month and perks will be put in for those that pay $10 or more per month. I just need to know if there’s actually people interested. Otherwise… work on a Plan B I guess.

Where Has Mew Gone?

You’ve probably noticed how silent it has been here. Well for a while things at home haven’t been great. In fact only a few weeks ago did I realise how long this had been doing on for and feel stupid for not realising until it was too late.

After 8 years together, two children and engaged to marry my relationship has ended. I’ve been trying to get my head around it all, wanting this to be a nightmare that I will wake up from and be back to normal any minute now. I’ve cried, felt guilty, felt anger, scared and even wanted to just end it all. I never in a million years thought that I’d become a single mother of two. Never in a million years did I think I’d go from owning a house to trying to find a council house and researching what benefits I would be entitled to. Not one moment in my life did I see this coming.

I see these single mothers somehow make things work and think how strong and empowering they are to do it all. I would think “I’m not as strong as them, how do they do it?!” and almost wish to know the secret to their powers. Either way I knew I could never be like them, I’d fall apart in a split second. And it won’t happen to me, right? I have a man who loves me and promises to marry me soon. It will be fine. We got this… right?

Turns out I was looking at my life through rose tinted glasses. Lies were spoken, hurtful things were said (most without realising they were hurtful) and time was poorly spent. Money was also wasted. This home was a family home, but it isn’t any more and family helped build things with their own free time. What a total waste. What a total mess. I’ve taken those glasses off, but the desire to put them back on and see that life again is tempting.

I’ll admit that as I write this I have tears rolling down my cheeks. I’m meant to be on Twitch live streaming tonight but I haven’t planned anything, I’ve not thought about it all that much. I’ve been spending my time crying and researching. So many questions I need answers for.

I’m currently working on something that is probably gonna suck to make but needs to be done. I was originally working on a Patreon page to help raise funds on basic art supplies and grow my YouTube channel. Sadly this has changed and being a mother with a child at home full time I don’t have an income other then my art. With this change I lose internet access, I lose money, I lose my dreams. And that final dream was to be able to afford a studio to work in. That’s going to disappear, all in a matter of months. So I’ll be working on a Patreon video and when I have finished or feel it is time to promote it I’ll make sure to post it on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and here.

Thank you everyone who has spoken to me recently. Even a simple e-hug or heart emoticon has just made me feel a little bit better. Because I know I’m not totally alone. I have you guys.

Insomnia 56 – UK’s Biggest Gaming Festival

If you haven’t heard of Multiplay and their amazing gaming festival then check out this video showing off Insomnia 56 at the NEC, Birmingham. There’s an assortment of video games to play from ye olde times to present day and even future! Worth going to Insomnia if you’re a gamer? HECK YEAH! Enjoy the vid!

You can already book tickets for Insomnia 57 and it is probably worth booking in advance as some tickets sell out fast! Hope to see you there in March.

Review: DisneyLife App

I have been sent a subscription for the DisneyLife app to try out and being the gadget loving family we are we were all excited to try it out. So let’s see if it’s worth subscribing to.

Firstly you can set up profiles for the family, pick a profile image and settings. My profile requires a PIN that the children don’t know. The kids’ have their own profiles which I set up to U rated movies and shows to only pop up on their account. So I know they won’t end up watching any of the PG movies by mistake. Nice little thing for Disney to do and thumbs up to them!

Next might I add are the choice of soundtracks and books. Books for all ages! Above is a book of Brave which is for younger children, my 5 year old son read them perfectly fine which only a few tricky words but he managed to sound them out. There’s also books that read to your child or have option to turn this off and read it yourself. We didn’t really dive into the music part of DisneyLife but I did find Big Hero 6 soundtrack and spent my time in the kitchen cooking as Immortals was playing.

But what are the negatives with DisneyLife? Well image above shows me searching for Wreck it Ralph. It’s a movie my kids love and one of my favourite movies also. But where is it? Sure there’s the soundtrack (which I love) and some books but the movie? What happened to it? Same with Brave, you can read the Brave books but not watch the film. This seems a bit disappointing from Disney. I should be able to enjoy all their great movies specially if paying for this service. It isn’t like Disney have to get the licensing for it like Netflix do.

So do I think DisneyLife is worth trying? If you have kids who love Disney, Disney Jr (we don’t have the channel anymore), love to read and you need another way for them to play Let It Go a million times til your iPhone or iPad battery dies then this is certainly a good thing to have. Just a bit saddened by some of the missing content. But hey you can get 1 month free so why not look around for yourself?

Disclosure: I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Network Research Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have not paid for the product or to attend an event. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity